Giving Thanks

This Thanksgiving morning I walked into the corner store to get some milk and the guy working there asked me what my plans were for the holiday. I replied that I wasn’t doing the “family thing” this year and my baby and I would probably get dressed up and go out for a nice meal.  He said, “That sounds cool.  I’m unfortunately doing the family thing.  In my culture, it would be considered extremely disrespectful not to go to the family dinner.”  To which I replied, “I’m pretty sure that goes for every culture.  Anyway, I’m hoping to be considered ‘dead to the family’ after this holiday season.”  We both laughed our asses off.  Today, I am giving thanks that I don’t have to eat the same fucking food that my family brings every year.  The cheap shrimp.  The pretzel/jello thing my step mom makes every year.  The thought of even seeing it makes me cringe.  The dry turkey and the warm and serve rolls.  …The bacon and cream cheese wreath I might actually miss, but, not that much.  I am giving thanks that I don’t have to listen to my grandmother talk about her toilet issues, or my dad talk about how much he is unwilling to work, while my step mother huffs and sighs over how much of a loser he is.  I am very thankful for the much needed vacation Jacob and I got to take this summer.  We walked to the beach every single day and had so much fun in the sun.  I even had a taste of what romance feels like for a moment.  Picture me holding up my silken gown so the gentle waves didn’t get it wet.  The round pebbles under my feet felt like they were all the same size.  I saw the Milky Way for the first time in my life and was shocked and amazed while my friend waited and watched me with pleasure on the secluded beachside under the moonlit sky.  I am thankful that we have friends who allow us to live in their home while I’m trying to rebuild our foundation.  I’m thankful for the November breeze that is so mild it makes the bare trees more tolerable.  I’m thankful for the first snow.  The flakes were huge and covered the trees.  I sat on an old bench, put my head back and just let them fall and melt on my face.  It was very spiritual for me and I felt like I was bathing in the light of Melancholia.  I’m thankful for the positive feelings that inspired me to write in this blog.  Most of all, I am thankful for Jacob and the fact that someday he will be able to read this and know that he is what kept me going during my time of loss when all I wanted to do was lay alone in the dark.  I love you so much Jacob and Mom is going to make life as good as it can get, I promise you.

Jacob Fact #14: Jacob’s favorite movies are Spirited Away, Ponyo, and Coraline.

 Canoeing on the Clinton River with Stephanie                                                   and Sullivan Wood.

 Picking apples in the back yard.

I found him hiding in the hammock with his popsicle.  He's                                                                   wearing the tshirt I made him at the Ferndale DIY Festival.

 He was Pikachu for Halloween:)

 Two years and three months old.