Remember when I said I was a lazy bitch? ..I lied. I’m pretty much the hardest working
bitch I know, but to no avail my life came crashing down. Deven and Conor haven’t talked to me for a
long time. And Jacob and I have moved to
my Grandmother’s house because I lost my job. He got too big to bring to the office. I have been contacted by the City of Detroit
and the University of Michigan about interviews, but I have no one to watch
Jacob. I can’t get daycare from DHS
without a job and I can’t get a job without daycare. I have not been able to get unemployment
either. Ugh. It’s very frustrating. Anyway, Jacob loves
the new living arrangement. He gets all
my attention and we go for a bike ride every day along the Clinton River and
feed the baby geese and play at many parks in the area. The people surrounding us have been very
friendly, which is a remarkable change of pace, and the children in the area,
so far, don’t seem to have any fucked up issues that cause me to lock my baby
in a tower.
Being isolated from my kids has been heart wrenching. When I emptied out the apartment, I just held
their things to my chest and howled. Day by day, I would pack a little more
from each of their rooms. The whole
situation is unhealthy for all of us. Jacob
would come and sit in my lap and say “Deven, Conor where are youuuuu?” I have never cried so many tears in my
life. I hope they come back to us soon. Legal Aid told me I should seek therapy for this
“ongoing domestic violence.” Tsh.
Jacob’s second birthday came and went without so much as a
birthday cake and two candles. He didn’t
care though; he doesn’t even like cake. He got the usual gift shop trash from
his father, which is exactly where it went.. in the trash. He has been making regular payments though
so he gets mad props for that. Actually, he doesn't get props because he doesn't talk to me. Oh well. On Jacob’s birthday, we sat
outside the apartment with a gallon of ice cream and Adventure Time plates and
served all the little mongrels that live there.
My friend Bill came and brought some cute gifts and Jacob had lots of
fun.
Things at my grandmother’s house have gotten much easier. Everyone gets along and if I’m not off somewhere
with Jacob, I’m working in the yard or drawing on the sidewalk. She
has the prettiest gardens in the whole place.
I even scrubbed her fence and made it beaming white again. Any doubts she had in the beginning about her
decision to let us in are gone.
Me: “Wow
Grandma your hair looks great! Sue did a very nice job.”
Papa: “Oooh
boy. She’s complimenting Grandma’s hair. She must want something. Ok, what is it that you want hmmm?”
Me: “Do I
look like a man to you?”
Grandma: “Huh!
You walked right into that one dear.”
And that is
the tone of the home, plus lots of tender moments. Jacob loves to tease his Papa. He will get in his chair so he gets “yelled”
at. He also likes to withhold hugs and
be an all-around tease. He steals Grandma’s
pink slippers and wears them around the house. My grandparents are very sympathetic to my
situation and I am very sympathetic to theirs, which would be the woes of growing
old and not being physically fit. At
all. I'm doing everything I can to make positive changes around the home, but I am worried about Jacob's attachment to my grandparents. We won't be living here forever and he already lost his brothers. I have such horrible attachment issues. I don't want him to suffer like I do.
Jacob and I are
planning our first vacation this month.
My mother promised to get us plane tickets to go see my sister in
Massachusetts who is having a baby on the 22nd. Fingers crossed that mom comes through on
this one.
Jacob Fact #13: His first swear word is "aw fuck" and he uses it in the correct context like when he drops food on the floor or something. I'm sorry, I think it's hilarious..
At Nickels Arcade
Up in a tree at Tony "Big Daddy" Marshall's funeral.
Union Lake
One of two bike trails we take.
Happy Kiddo:)