The C-Section

All three of my deliveries have had some sort of SNAFU.  With my first son, Deven, I went in to St. Joseph Mercy Hospital at midnight with a terrible flu two weeks before he was due.  I was induced and labored for 18 hours before they said I would have to have a c-section.  Of course, I read “What to Expect When You Are Expecting” and skipped right over that chapter.  I was totally unprepared.  With my second son, Conor, they said I could attempt a vaginal birth.  I asked them about my c-section scar, “Won’t it tear during labor?”  They said I had about 1 in 1,000 chances of that happening.  Then, they let me go 10 days past my due date and I had a uterine rupture.  It was the most pain I have ever encountered; I was screaming and cussing and pleading for help.  It was horrible.  I decided not to go back to that hospital.  But that uterine rupture made this pregnancy high risk and Jacob’s delivery was scheduled three weeks before his due date.

 

“Can you feel that?” 

“Yeah, I feel that.”

 “Does it feel like a prick or a poke?” 

“I guess it feels like a prick.” 

“Well it should feel like a poke.” 

“Whell it doesn’t!” 

“Hmm, sometimes it takes a while.”

The surgical staff talked among themselves.  On the operating table I didn’t feel like I had been sedated.  The anesthesiologist asked what station I listen to on Pandora.  I told him I like Deerhunter radio and he put it on.  He told me to lean forward as far as I could so he could begin the spinal procedure.  He pulled open the back of my hospital gown and was shocked at the mural of ink I had covering my entire back.  Others came to gawk and comment as I sat in irritation.  He teased that he would do his best without really being able to see where exactly he was poking.  I just concentrated on the music.  Then, my sister, Randi walked in gowned from head to toe.  She drove with her family all the way from Massachusetts to be my birthing partner and take care of my family while I was in the hospital.  All I could see were her glasses.  She looked very sci-fi to me and we both laughed.  She held my hand and stroked my skin while the doctors worked.  The final tug to get Jacob out pulled all the air out of my lungs and made tears run down the sides of my face.  Apparently, this is the point where he kicked the doctor.  People whooped and laughed.  Some were singing “Happy Birthday.”  The room was filled with joy as I waited to hear a cry.  It didn’t come.  “What’s happening?” I whispered.  “The doctor is slapping his foot to get him to cry.”  She told me a play-by-play of everything that was going on.  Finally, I heard him cry.  They brought him around so I could look at him.  He was all swollen and his head was full of dark hair.   After he was cleaned up and checked over, Jacob was placed on my chest, skin-to-skin, while I was being sewn up.  I immediately knew something was wrong.  He grunted with every exhale.  I looked at my sister and said, “He’s not ready.”  The very first decision I ever had to make for Jacob was how long I was going to hold onto him before I let them take him away to who knows where for who knows how long.

Jacob Fact #4:  “Transmission” by Joy Division was playing at the moment Jacob was born.

The Pregnancy

Sometimes, I miss my big belly.  I miss feeling my baby move inside me.  I miss Deven, my oldest son, coming up behind me in the morning while I made breakfast and wrapping his arms around us and asking, “How’s he doing?”  I miss my middle son, Conor, resting his head on my big bump hoping to feel a kick or a punch.  “It’s time for school buddy,” he’d say to get the baby to react and we’d both giggle.  My boys would fight over who got to put their hand on the baby bump.  “Well, one take this side, and the other take this side.  Lord knows there’s enough room for both hands, jeez.”  Sometimes they would put their iPod face down on me so Jacob could read the Minecraft instruction manual.  After all, he is born into a family of gamers; we wanted him to get a head start.  We would feel Jacob move and kick and wonder what he looked like.  I remember one time at the grocery store we saw an albino child.  He was very white with pink eyes.  It was impossible not to stare.  He was such a strange, beautiful creature.  “I hope we get one like that,” the kids agreed.  “Haha!!  ..Me, too.”

I used to say that I could be pregnant my whole life.  This pregnancy was a little different.  It was wonderful and sorrowful at the same time.  Pregnant and alone is the saddest thing I have had to go through.  I often thought about teen moms.  They must have it the worst.  I could not believe the behaviors of some people or the comments.  “Well, I guess if you after you already have a couple you might as well keep it.”  Yeah..  These types of comments were well documented and filed in the “I guess the bitch had it coming” file.  A word from the wise:  If you ever happen to meet a girl who has an unexpected or unplanned pregnancy, no matter what the case, if she is keeping the baby congratulate her.  Shower her with positive comments, because that baby is coming and she needs all the love and support she can get.

I’m very lucky that Jacob is so chill and relaxed.  He has a swing next to my desk at work and a thing called a co-sleeper that is also next to my desk.  He kicks around in it, keeping his eyes on me at all times cuz he’s my little stalkerJ  When I get to work in the morning I pour my coffee and make his bottle.  If the phone rings while I’m feeding him I hold the bottle with my chest to answer the phone that I hold with my shoulder and write a message with my one free hand.  One boss comes in “Good morning,”  “Good morning.”  The next boss comes in, “Hey pork chop!  That’s a great smileJ  Good boy!”  Shuffles off to his office.  The next boss comes in, “Is he eating Again!!?  Hey buddyJ  You being good for mom?  That’s a good boy.”  The next boss comes in, “Lisa, I have this and this and that for you to do and Hey! What up Jacob!  Yeah!  You’re a happy guy!  Hahaha!”  It’s a very busy day at work.  But when lunchtime comes, if he’s awake, I take Jacob outside to sit on the step in front of my building that I’ve been occupying for over 6 years now.  We sit under the big awning in the warm breeze and watch the people and cars go by.  The same step I was sitting on when I turned left to see his daddy coming towards me after so many years with that long stride, swinging a laptop in his hand, smiling ear to ear, calling out, “No fucking way… Lisa Brown!??”  That’s where the unstoppable force met the unmovable object.  

Jacob fact #3:  Jacob kicked the doctor upon entering the world.  

 I have only a handfull of pics of my pregnant self.

 

  Can't even fit my bottom in this one..

 

Feeding the Baby

September 18, 2013.

I hate that I wasn't able to breastfeed Jacob exclusively.  When he was in the ICU wearing the CPAP machine, they had to tube feed him.  When my milk came in (dang my tits looked great..) I had to pump it and take it down to him, but the machines did not do a good job.  Babies are totally the boobie specialists.  They stimulate milk production and get the milk to let down.  Even after the doctors took him off the machine, they insisted on tube feeding him!  They said we couldn't leave the hospital until I could breastfeed And bottle feed him since I was not producing enough milk.  I thought we were Never going to get out of that hospital.  So, I decided to read some books on how to produce more milk and followed the instructions, but to no avail.  I Needed him to nurse, but they were tube feeding him like clockwork a ridiculous amount of formula.  I had to resort to breaking the line during his feedings and sucking it down myself behind their backs so that the baby got hungry and at least tried to latch onto me or the bottle.  Finally, one night I stood up to one of the nurses and told her she was Not going to tube feed my baby anymore and she could go get the doctor on call if there was a problem.  I was on no sleep and a total wreck.  I could hardly find the words to fight about it.  Then, while waiting for the doctor to get there, Jacob pulled out his feeding tube.  (Good boy:)  They didn't put it back in that time.  We finally won the battle.  I nursed him for the first 4 months but my breast milk never did come back enough to keep up with his appetite.  I blame all around malnourishment for that.

So, at five months, he is still a formula fed, kind of a gassy, spit-uppy baby.  We were laying on the living room floor last night.  I was on my back holding him over me; we were just cooing and chatting until... he erked warm formula all down my chest and it flowed down the back of my neck.  I just held him there in shock yelling out "Noooooooo!"  while Conor laughed his ass off and ran to get me a towel.  The puppy trotted over and began to lick the puke off my neck..  Ew.  It was disturbing and hilarious at the same time..

I took these photos at home last night.

Jacob fact #2:  He sometimes sleeps with his eyes open.

Five Months Old

September 16, 2013
Jacob is five months old today.  He has been an amazingly good baby.  He lets me sleep at night, and is happy almost all of the time.  The doctor said I can start him on some oatmeal, but I don't think he's ready for all that yet.  He just spits it out.  We'll try again in a few weeks.  He is always after my yogurt though.  But, Doc says he can't have that yet.. *snickers*  He's growing so fast; he has already gone through three wardrobes.  It's cool though, I love putting him in new outfits:)  He likes his toys and puts everything in his mouth.  Recently, he has noticed the puppy.  He can't wait to get his hands on her and she can't wait until he can throw a ball.  The boys are bonding nicely now that Jacob is babbling and interacting with them.  He totally wins them over with his stunning blue eyes and baby giggles. We still go jogging every day; he loves the fresh air.  And recently he is trying to scoot out of his baby swing.  He will be crawling around soon.  Not sure what I'm going to do with him at work..  For now, he has his own office with a crib and radio and camera monitor for when he naps.  My bosses have been so awesome about bringing him to work.  I wouldn't feel right leaving him with anyone as young as he is.

Jacob fact #1:  He sticks out his bottom lip when he is sad or about to cry.  It makes everyone scramble to make him happy.

At Bubble Island for tea.

In the jogging stroller. Check out that red hair! :)

Always smiling and laughing:)  Happy boy! <3