The Pregnancy

Sometimes, I miss my big belly.  I miss feeling my baby move inside me.  I miss Deven, my oldest son, coming up behind me in the morning while I made breakfast and wrapping his arms around us and asking, “How’s he doing?”  I miss my middle son, Conor, resting his head on my big bump hoping to feel a kick or a punch.  “It’s time for school buddy,” he’d say to get the baby to react and we’d both giggle.  My boys would fight over who got to put their hand on the baby bump.  “Well, one take this side, and the other take this side.  Lord knows there’s enough room for both hands, jeez.”  Sometimes they would put their iPod face down on me so Jacob could read the Minecraft instruction manual.  After all, he is born into a family of gamers; we wanted him to get a head start.  We would feel Jacob move and kick and wonder what he looked like.  I remember one time at the grocery store we saw an albino child.  He was very white with pink eyes.  It was impossible not to stare.  He was such a strange, beautiful creature.  “I hope we get one like that,” the kids agreed.  “Haha!!  ..Me, too.”

I used to say that I could be pregnant my whole life.  This pregnancy was a little different.  It was wonderful and sorrowful at the same time.  Pregnant and alone is the saddest thing I have had to go through.  I often thought about teen moms.  They must have it the worst.  I could not believe the behaviors of some people or the comments.  “Well, I guess if you after you already have a couple you might as well keep it.”  Yeah..  These types of comments were well documented and filed in the “I guess the bitch had it coming” file.  A word from the wise:  If you ever happen to meet a girl who has an unexpected or unplanned pregnancy, no matter what the case, if she is keeping the baby congratulate her.  Shower her with positive comments, because that baby is coming and she needs all the love and support she can get.

I’m very lucky that Jacob is so chill and relaxed.  He has a swing next to my desk at work and a thing called a co-sleeper that is also next to my desk.  He kicks around in it, keeping his eyes on me at all times cuz he’s my little stalkerJ  When I get to work in the morning I pour my coffee and make his bottle.  If the phone rings while I’m feeding him I hold the bottle with my chest to answer the phone that I hold with my shoulder and write a message with my one free hand.  One boss comes in “Good morning,”  “Good morning.”  The next boss comes in, “Hey pork chop!  That’s a great smileJ  Good boy!”  Shuffles off to his office.  The next boss comes in, “Is he eating Again!!?  Hey buddyJ  You being good for mom?  That’s a good boy.”  The next boss comes in, “Lisa, I have this and this and that for you to do and Hey! What up Jacob!  Yeah!  You’re a happy guy!  Hahaha!”  It’s a very busy day at work.  But when lunchtime comes, if he’s awake, I take Jacob outside to sit on the step in front of my building that I’ve been occupying for over 6 years now.  We sit under the big awning in the warm breeze and watch the people and cars go by.  The same step I was sitting on when I turned left to see his daddy coming towards me after so many years with that long stride, swinging a laptop in his hand, smiling ear to ear, calling out, “No fucking way… Lisa Brown!??”  That’s where the unstoppable force met the unmovable object.  

Jacob fact #3:  Jacob kicked the doctor upon entering the world.  

 I have only a handfull of pics of my pregnant self.

 

  Can't even fit my bottom in this one..